Tuesday, 18 January 2011


the absence of nothingness

Last night, in bed, I could not think, no really I couldn’t , I tried pretty hard but all I got was a faint hum, after a while I had a slight headache and the reoccurring predominance of damp. We have damp, I was staring at the damp patch in order to concentrate so that means damp was by no means a thought. I tried to think about anything else, dolphin tits, fridge fires, I got damp.

You try and imagine the ancient Neanderthal laying at the edge of his cave looking up at the infinite universe of possibility sparkling back, gazing down over the outstretched savannah, listening to the orchestral chorus of creatures calling and talking, flirting and shouting, I bet he wasn’t thinking of nothing, he was probably thinking, "need change cave, this damp."

Raw nothingness

You’re never thinking nothing, your brain’s always producing something, it's just a lot of the time that something is toss. If I try and remember back I used to have tons of ideas pouring out of me on a daily basis like:

  • How to end world war with a combination of non-prescription drugs

  • How to make a million pounds (normally from around five quid)

  • Train a dog to live for me

  • Taxidermy restaurants

  • How to fight every animal that ever existed if they suddenly decided to attack me whilst avoiding an apocolyse fuelled by a guerrilla linuit gypsy army brainwashed into believing I am to blame for the melting of all ice just cos I once held some matches.

  • How to make Inuit gypsies love me within 4 seconds

  • How to live my life so I was truly happy

  • How to think of utterly unattainable clichéd ideals

Those things, that spark of its namesake is an insult to its namesake, sparking is a distortion, maybe squelching or vomiting a thought is closer. This act of intellectual sabotage leaps from the brain box like Billy Bollocks’ debut dance until just as the vocal chords tense up with dread, the brain alerts.“Scratch your nose, it itches.” You itch, it’s gone. There’s only so many times you can itch your nose or cross your eyes before you might be described as Terry with the Itch Twitch or just T.I.T.

Respect the gaps

People who talk to fill space, good space, space in which everybody else is trying to use to think of a way of never having to meet you again. Nothing allows that, without it, innocent people are sent to jail for manslaughter.

Nothing is both what comes and what isn't there. Stereotyping is what people with a lot of nothing do to make something, they gather all their vague observations, reinforced them with dramatic grotesque exaggerations, tossed about with the local mad persons checkout chat, and y'know you've got a pretty leaky but powerful stereotype. All you really need from there on in are people just as bone idle not to really question the elements of your statement or even the overreaching consequences of repeating that statement and you've got almost dictionary delusion of fact.


I lose so much time doing nothing, I say to myself it isn't nothing, everything is something but sitting looking at a monitor with the same image lit, slowly searing itself into my iris, is nothing. It comes with no intellectual nourishment, no visual or sonic stimulation, I’m probably, from the residual effects of prolonged use dying because of it, yet it drags me back time and time again, for hours upon hours. Yes it's not porn, it's work.

Porn, I can handle the repetitive hollow nothingness porn gives is a reinforcement to love real people and don't go for people who look like porn stars unless you like looking at your girlfriend or boyfriend with other peoples jizz on their face. Nothingness in porn is the enlightenment and the allure, it's not gonna fill the hole but it'd make you feel distracted for a bit. From the wacked out stares into the middle distance, to the strap on passion and the razzed up plot, porn is more like a nothingness circus that we can feel jealous then better about, as long as we’re not wiping the milky tears away.


When your low, real low and you think you have nothing, you think people who have nothing have more than you because you are sad and sadness is a minus, even though that guys homeless, without shoes in the rain, eating fatty grey chicken, he still can't relate to the utter nothingness in you. He still can't understand the loss even though it seems he doesn't have anyone and even his dog is keeping her distance, there's still a smile on his face, although that could be a Glasgow kiss those thugs over there gave him. And as you close your triple locked door and make your steak sandwich, you realise maybe you can love again because you might not be an empty hollow with nothing inside, you were just hungry.

Lots of little tiny nothings

Sub-atomically we are next to nothing and the nature of ourselves as one life form is interpretational given we are many billion independent living cells inside atoms joining to tissues to create organs and muscles and matter that unite to be you. Each element is considered nothing to us but combined they are everything to us. If 5% chose to die we might die, we are nothing without next to nothing.

As the millions of mindful life forms pass down arteries flowing to the heart of our cities to keep this country breathing, the elements wonder. Strip away the social validity of everything and what we are left with? The core human spirit we seem to have retired as a remnant of the past, a nothing.

While the planets and star systems follow their paths, their orbits, their eventual collisions and evolutions they too forget their past in a linear interpretation though the scars are still visible. For those humans are less than a cell to them, for us the planets are everything.

In the end there was…

Nothing nilalists say. Towards the end of his life, Hitler was a nihilist, pinch of salt? Our whole society could die before our very own lifetime expires. Our desires hopes and plans for the future could all be less than the electrons, which started a brain idea that’s "not totally awful." As we ask other brains that weren't trying to work ‘being Chinese’ into an inflammatory statement. Reach a conclusion by masturbating over a visual representation of the plan to create more future amalgams of many billions of gluon cells within atoms that form cells bind together and make tissues combined to make a genetically alike nothings that will die because there is no future.

So as we limp, single minded and short sighted into environmental suicide we are reminded of all that we know and nothing that we have learnt. The absence of control is the resulting scared, burnt, crowded, filthy, choking world we have. We our own executioners. From having everything to soon nothing. In the end we all want something, working, doing, buying and believing it’s for something? But secretly fear the fact we may have nothing.

We will be left with nothing if nothing is nothing. If it is more, if nothing isn't negative space, unaccounted darkness, thoughtless thought. The absence of nothing could very well be anything, it is without type, desire or purpose, it just is.

I think I've confused myself.

I think I’ve confused myself.

1 comment:

Garth Simmons said...

Wonderful stuff. Get's very BEAUTIFUL as you read it through trying to work it out. I'll likely revisit it later on as there's a passage or two I fancy quoting somewhere. Maybe at the end of my next blog article (I'll put a little link afterwards).

Look forward to discussing things at length when I'm in London, my job finishes on the 25 February and not sure if it's extended yet but I have an open return so take a few days off one way or another. As long as I get to ring the jobcentre on Monday if I am unemployed.