Wednesday, 28 November 2007

celebrity vegetable

celebrity / vegetables

I’ve gone off a bit, reduced, reduced further, sold out!

From the very first celebrity Emperors and Gods exclusiveness and spirituality have been dominant. Over the years celebrities have changed with the times, from gangsters to film stars, civil rights activists and people showing exemplary human spirit in the face of adversity until now.

Because of the explosion and subsequent global contamination in 1986 from the Achilles meteorite, human capacity for logical thought was lost. With the human condition at our lowest ebb since ebbs began we have to relentlessly ask ourselves; Am I a pea or a pumpkin with lots of pips inside that are even bigger than the pea I compared myself to just then?

Vege and Celebrities seem to now have lots in common.

This isn’t really appropriate now unless you can class a belt as clothes. Dressing skin with things to make the skin attractive is paramount if you want your “8 days with Cindy’s 8 holes” DVD is to be released by Paramount.

Tan that skin, they all still do that, but you do it more. Aspire to the texture of an African hunter's sole, and the colour of a 47-year-old mother of five who’s spent every year in Corfu on the beach thinking:

“You go to the market Jim, I’ll just stay out cos I’m not quite brown yet.”

“But Madge your blacker than the waiters.”

“I’m not, look these bits are still white”

“They’re eyes”

Bling is what they say now, it’s means jewellery. Black people invented it, we stole it and now even grandmothers say it. But Bling is what everyone loves and seemingly can’t get enough of. So if you’re beyond clothing and you don’t want to get confused with a streaker, where lots of shiny bracelets with fake diamonds glued on. Recommended retailers QVC and street markets

People think it’s easy to get rat faced, roll out of some nightspot at 3am with a kebab into a taxicab showing kebab. You and I know that the reality of lying in the gutter, dry vomit on your skirt, with your bits all raw from a backstreet bumming sounds good but there’s a downside. Where’s the photo. Missing a priceless opportunity for celebrity gain no more missy. Layer some bum varnish and let the paps see your womb, welcome to the hideous heights of the Daily Star’s page 23.

Have you heard that saying. “Dump that zero and get a hero.” Your saying’s quite similar, “ dump that interesting, loving, attractive man and get yourself a gay looking, narcissistic, talent devoided, pop star.” A more catchy one is “I’m a unbelievable farce, look at my arse”
Now because you’re on the gutter run, you need gutter musicians, and listen you’ve got such a choice, so pick your genre and lets get ho’ing.

Possible tips are Boy-band members with weird quirks like facial disfigurements or equally, obese singers with no hope of finding love in an eclipse. The papers may love you for your sympathetic ‘inner beauty’ but watch for the inevitable back lashing ‘innit for the fame.’ When that strikes its kebab time and everyone’s hungry.

Ha ha hah aha hhahahah, ha h ahahahahha ha hahaha ha ha ha. Hark no, you’re in The Star, the giddly heights of Nuts are telephoning for some sensitive and sexy shots and your DVD’s in the shops, well shops with red neon signs. So even though because of your ex-boyfriend your DVD is stocked in the fetish and oddities section, you’re now a celebrity. Pack your bags because next it’s Y list and 24 letters later you’ll be invited round to Pamela Anderson’s house for tea and fisting.

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