Monday, 30 March 2009

modern music

modern music

I am the music man, I came from round the bend
All hail, our music industry speaks about the scourge, the scourrrge of pirates. "Without compensation the creators livelihood is unsustainable." What the gentlemen I think means is that because lots of us are doing things that are easier (getting music from our computers) and not spending money (e.g. sharing the music). Musicians are literally dying of champagne dehydration unable to scale cocaine ski slopes, in blood diamond ski suits to laud over us and lose their musical inspiration in vain veins of self-absorption, v.i.piss holes of Lady Thatch, and concurrent clinical holidays on manors in tax havens while we sit at home, skint.

Oh the humanity. What will happen? It’s like the music industry has tried to fear monger whilst appearing a poor and blistered cultural social asset, orphaned from cutting edge consumption yet still being a billion pound, sue happy, die-cast empire. It wants to be everything, ever.

The muuuuusic died

They killed it. Tappers will rest; grey tits will consume porn, kettles, dampened. Bereft of rhythmic sounds ritualistic fender fires will warm the gap, the hole, of illegality. And we shall all be vigilant for spontaneous musical ensembles beseeching the whirlless air that the music industry mercifully purifies for it's own possible profitable consumption while it expels air worrying about our own lack of accompaniment.

You have to die, really I read it last week

Why do we always preempt the death of music: It's not the same, there’s no rock stars anymore, it's so throw away, there’s just no great bands or music, it all sounds the same, music died in 69, 78, 85, 92... Everyone's sold out: Everyone just wants money, no one’s real anymore, and no true great lyricists. It's all three chord wonders, three minute radio friendly music, bang bang bang, sell outs. Where's the Dylan’s, Mc Cartneys and Formby's of our age?

These people fear super-fruit-mega-twist-blast! And stick licking vanilla listening to vanilla.

Music enthusiasts
People who technically know music yet don’t know music. They cannot understand or comprehend or bother to open up to new breakaway music. Preferring to languish in a perceived form of musical excellence that incidentally is neither complete or representative of their musical interest, breezing over many sub genres, cult bands and bedroom projects that were comparable but never artificially hoisted to the colossus of Mojo’s definitive greatest top 100 of all time.

Music for them has been a refinement that has happened in decades, crossing off, turning down, and skipping over to reach an identikit record collection to the other enthusiasts. Differing only in the extent of their purchasing of what is deemed a “classic” and what limited youthful eclecticism they once had. In conclusion there's not many people like John Peel around and even he’s not here anymore.

Star idol
“Look at Denise; she’s got stage three herpes, a Siamese schizophrenic featus sister called Magmud, rubber bones and sports camel breath and toe. But she can belt out bridge over troubled water better than Jane Mc Donald.” “You’re through.”

I think you can class this lot as an actual sub genre of music. As long as the word sub is 17 times larger than the word genre with the word music being separated by at least all the words ever wrote in any language since time began.

Myspace bands
Do you remember when people youst to call people who wore tracksuits and thieve cars, scallies, until the Sun decided to change them to chavs? When papers were not monopolised, when things were a little bit more honest and less formulated. Where bands were called one hit wonders or new bands. Well most people don’t, thanks to Rupert Murdoch.

If you’re a DJ is it absolutely necessary to put DJ before your (a bit bloody quirky) name, is it? Isn’t it obvious if your playing at a club that never has bands your gonna be a DJ. And on the flyer there’s you looking all over photoshopped camp-tough, with decks. Anyway isn’t disc jockey just a bit too “It’s Mayo in the morning.” I mean you might aswell skip the whole irony and call yourself BJ?

Change the record
I think I’ve heard enough of self-deprecating heroin addicts whimsically telling me that I can't understand the pain they're going through. I'm overflowing with people telling me to dance, how to dance, how to get girls, that girls always want more money than you have, that this song is on the radio, that the streets in a downtown suburbs of a U.S. city are pretty shitty, being a celebrity has it's downsides, everyone prints lies about me, I’m not the person you think I am, I’m sexy, rich and desirable to everyone, I still come from those suburbs of a U.S city that's pretty shitty, L.A. is fake. I'm really quite insecure under that unfathomable amount of styled imagery I willingly acquired, I’m a virgin, I’m a lesbian, I’ve kissed a women, I’m free as a bird, I’m trying to sell this to America. I’m not an ordinary girl, i'm a punky girl, i'm a man who cares so much I would shed a tear to this sap-suck song. My husband’s beating me and i'm still married to him and he’ll probably spend all my money, which you are giving him by buying this cry for help record.

The new beat
I like those bands who just ramble on in eclectic unfathomabled glory to the musical accompaniment of manic miner and a wet plank. Or them odd bods Will summat n Ginger who meander around the U.K. singing sea shanty’s like utter dudes. Hey Timbaland, remix that, see how far you get twat, don’t worry yourself, you’ll probably stick your foot in yourself pulling that tongue off trying to find your laces.

What the p*@! diddy we got?

So hip hops a bare faced parody of itself, indie was meant to die 12 years ago, rock was cool for about 7 minutes in 2003, Bangra music bout 4 seconds 2007. Dance music just can't decide what it is, and when it’s sure. It’s house, dire, trance irritating, jungle the same exact thing, break beat an ex housemartin’s brief wet dream. What do we have left?

Tonnes, so reggae influenced us in the late 70's to make some amazing music, why not something else, some place in the world must be doing something better. We’ve made music up so far; lets keep tossing off more. While tossing off more.

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