Friday, 22 May 2009




Less truth = More controversy

If you want controversy then you want controversy. This thing here, that your reading, this, this is not controversial. Hey lone ranger, I do childish simplistic sentences that I overheard other people saying in 3am kebab houses, that make largely no sense and bear no actual relation to anyone’s life excluding the really sad and pathetic bits that are acutely autobiographical o kay. Just so you’re a hundred and, well a hundred percent sure, you know these word things get outa hand if you slip off into a beastial starfish skewer (I have not had sex with anyone from Asteroidean kingdom).

C&ntr#ver%$al W@!ds

Make new shyster splicing words up because brats saying them on you tube have diluted virtually all. Gordon Ramsey fucked the word fuck. You sound like your fucking quoting him if you use it. Cunt is still pretty hot, I want some handy sandy women to over use that: “Cuntbags, where’s my cunting cup of cuntea, cuntoff , I’m gonna nail this cunt and shave a cunt off that cuntwood so the cunter opens into an attractive window dresser.”

Stay clear, invent words, make them sound rude though.

slapshats = sandwiches.

“I’m skint, you got any beggars slapshats.”

hufu = a trans-metro-homo-les-sexual picking their pants out of their bum.

“hungry hungry hufu.”

gozzits = indecipherable drug speak

“huh? Meaning of a glowstick? Barncards in the sky? Hm… your gozzits up to yer folicals ! “

bastummel= simulatanious diorehhera and vommiting

"It's bastummelled, no, NO, BASTUMMEL, where's Regan, blairrrrrrrrrrr!

That’s not art, that was my cat.

So making everything cubey was controversial. The Da Da and Bauhaus movements certainly caused a few iron crosses to turn back in the day, and pop art coursed us to look into the nature of aesthetics, conventions and celebrity which continued with modernism until about ten years ago when art seemed to have circled itself so much it went up its own arse. This shit implosion shot controversy into the mainstream rather than show the realities of culture or redefining the nature of what it means to be an artist. Post modernism became a visual show of style over content other than Tracy Emin who showed all her contents on those bed sheets.

We need accountability, it’s not me

Political controversy is the big soap opera in which news can veil us into a sense of bored enlightenment into the controlling powers when all it actually does is make us distrust the very people who are trying to win our trust while above the pendulum, time slowly ticks on by.

Inquiry, investigation, adjudication, consultation, talks, review, evaluation, palm off.

Pro-fit Moo-ham-hid

This whole picture prophet Muhammad hoo ha is an actual joke. Look at a few text books and you can see quite clearly the prophet Muhammad solving arguments with rocks on rugs? He’s even on an Algerian postcard from the 1920’s for gods sake.

No winkle dinkle

No! What! Russell Brand? Russell Brand is about as controversial as Sid James.

Mad donna

Honesty is anyone is the world shocked by two lasses getting off with eachother? Is there anyone repulsed by a middle aged woman in a thong?


Now there's a genre that had a corrosive controversial edge and seems to have utterly lost it. It now involves them commenting on some humanitarian atrocity in the fastest and most callous tone to goad and garner chat show slots.

Sooner or later the spotlight escapes, when time, culture and self respect serves mud puddles, welcome to Blackpool!

These entertainers scam a living on a controversial message 200 years expired. Racists should hate themselves and find ways of getting themselves deported or wiped out, spice it up. Burn yourselves in the name of Britain and free speech, that's controversial.

We could hunt them down like we did with those paedophiles. With a burning torch, standing next to a teacher who hates bad things so much he had to put a tape in for Eastenders tonight. Maybe for convenience sake we could all just mail slow burning kinderling on the same comedy postcards they get half their hilarious jokes from.

Channel 4

No, no, controversial 4. When TV tries to make controversy it’s ridiculous, clowning around with realism pulped and stretched until it sounds about as genuine as a Red Dwarf laughter track. Or worse exposing society up to be, erm society and expecting us to bow at a box.

How much effort can a programmer make to antagonise its viewers, warp its beliefs and then turn round and tell you this is the public speaking. We know you’re not the public you’re called a channel not a person, not like Dave, shit we're really pushing the post modernism off a brief cliff. The Great Big Channel Swindle, stick around, up next we’ve got guaranteed bumper bum raping in Hollyoaks Nightlight


Video games are so controversial. People actually think little Jamie’s in World War Two dealing crack to coppers at 300mph during Sunday Service. Jamie’s not gonna go out and machete Nazi’s, clean your glasses, but if he did people’d say games are great.

Sweet kids are made of these

By gum, Marilyn Manson. He’s not laughing all the way to the make up dept. Have people not heard of Goths? Just cos most people don’t dare talk to them, doesn’t mean their subliminary convincing 14 year olds to bomb schools. I think society manages disenfranchisement pretty well on it’s own.

Do I actually care?

Why is it always white people who cause 99% of all so called controversy in the World.

Minorities generally don't say much controversial, well unless you’re Spike Lee, then everything you say is about fighting the white power and making black people know that they're black people.

Oh and that Dolly the sheep, stupid modified super dead lung sheep.

Forgetting someone, clerics. Clerics love to bang on and on, half in a calm down secular harmony and the others in barmy Fatwatastics. Unless you see a coupla captain hooks slashing at the sky you can’t tell. They should have:

Red robes, pointed beard = evil.

White robes, fluffy beard = good.


People confuse controversy with not really knowing something that doesn’t really affect them and isn’t that interesting. Take The Sun “ WE HATE DIFFERENT FINGS AND YOU DO TO ” 21st May headline directed at the white, en-ger-land, larger stupid, brawling, and because of those dam poles, jobless men. Strong readership, consistent readership, barely read ship.

Facts anyone?

Controversy, so mellowed and withered. People have misappropriated the word, whether through bad mags, cheap media, or our own desperate way to make our belittled lives that bit more sensational to every other poor sod that feels the same but has to listen out of a vague sense of the true value that word once had. Just maybe this whole verbal charade might not be about some poor friend finding a-fucking-nother bone in a chicken chuffing nugget.

Oh wait, yes it is.

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